Written by Kristin Orphan,
The other day my husband got in my car and as we started to drive, he shushed me and said, “Do you hear that?” I had no idea what he was talking about. He said he thought he heard an odd swishing sound coming from the back when we turned a corner. “Is that normal?” he asked. I shrugged, because I hadn’t really noticed before he pointed it out. We agreed to take the car in for an evaluation.
As adoptive parents, we ask the same question of our family. “Is that normal for a ten year old girl?” “Is that normal for an older adopted child?” “Is that normal for someone in a mixed race family?” You may wonder if some of your own thoughts or feelings are normal. Maybe like me, you’ve been in an embarrassing public situation with one of your children that highlighted the fact that your life is anything but normal!
I love my unique family. We are all different colors, shapes and sizes. We communicate and process pain differently. While we share some interests, we also have hobbies and gifts that are specific to each of us. Some of the situations through which we’ve walked as a family, border on the bizarre. Thankfully, we can actually laugh about most of them now. The truth is, I let go of “normal” a while ago.
While “normal” may be overrated, some behaviors and emotional responses must be addressed so that we all get the support we need to be healthy.
Maybe these questions are a little more helpful than, “Is this normal?” “Is this behavior helpful, harmful or neutral?” “Do I feel stuck?” “Is it time to ask for help?”
One last thing…..if you feel like you’re the only one whose family isn’t normal, it’s time to expand your social circle! Make friends with folks who understand the beauty of differences.
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