Sometimes I Forget To Eat

Written by Brooke Miller
FHF Regional Director in Southern California
brooke@finallyhomefoundation.net

Sometimes I forget to eat.  It’s not that I don’t like to eat.  I love food.  I mean, really, love it.  But the day starts, then keeps going. A phone call here, an email there, and a bunch of just-need-to-get-this-one-thing-done moments. You know, like checking my Facebook status and making sure I haven’t missed anything new on Instagram.  Important Things.

I don’t just love food itself.  I love the experience of food.  I am not a fancy cook and my taste buds aren’t overly cultured, but my favorite food is one I get to enjoy. I hate eating on the go. No time to savor. I have a pre-planned “last bite” with every meal: the bite to end all bites. The grand finale. The taste that the rest of the meal has been working up towards. Even if the meal is a bean and cheese burrito, I strategize to make sure that the last bite has just the right blend of bean, cheese, and tortilla. I’m not making this up.

So sometimes I forget to eat. Or better said, I keep pushing it back because the setting isn’t ideal. Because I don’t have room to savor. There are days that I end up not eating at all until dinner. And everyone knows what a hungry woman is like. I get cranky, and fidgety, and annoyed. I have no margin. Forget savoring, the carnivore must be fed.

My husband gets after me about this, mainly because he is the one the monster lashes out at in moments of extreme hunger he loves me and wants me to be my healthiest best. He believes in preventive plans of attack: He tells co-workers to make sure I take a lunch break, and will regularly text to see if I remembered breakfast. Also not something I’m making up. I’ve gotten better. Truly.

Funny that someone can love food so much but still forget to eat it.

But then, sometimes I forget to feed my soul, too. I love Jesus. I love His Word. I love His creation. But I often wait for ideal moments to sit down and savor, and if that ideal setting isn’t available, sometimes I don’t “eat.” I forget how much it matters to be still. I forget how much it matters to read Ancient Scripture and be surprised at just how alive it is. I forget how much it matters to write and process in my journal. I forget how much it matters to get outside for fresh air and fun.

When I forget, I get cranky and lethargic and altogether restless. It’s my soul’s way of saying “I’m hungry, feed me.”

Do you ever forget to eat? To take care of your physical and spiritual needs because someone else’s needs beat you to it?

At CAFO2014 (www.cafo.org), Dr. Karyn Purvis of TCU (www.tcu.edu) taught a session on nutrition and what a significant impact it has on children from, as she says, “hard places”. Many of you are caring for a child from a hard place right this moment. And for many of you, it’s pushing you right into your own hard place. And you need healthy food just as much as they do.

Our physical and spiritual nutrition have such a drastic impact on us because we are wired for food – good, healthy, soul-enriching food. And I mean both the physical apple and the spiritual apple.

So today is a simple question: what does your body need to eat? And what food does your soul need?

*For more resources on nutrition related to adoption or foster care, please visit adoptionnutrition.org, adoptionlearningpartners.org “Snack, Play, Love”, and empoweredtoconnect.org “Disarming Fear”

Lessons from the Incline

Written by Kristin Orphan,

FHF Founder and Director

kristin@finallyhomefoundation.net

Part 2 – Camaraderie

Last week, I told you that my husband and I went to beautiful Colorado Springs to hike The Manitou Springs Incline.

It took us just over an hour to get to the top and then another hour to wind our way back down the mountain.  We had no idea what we were getting into until we started heading up the trail.  We thought it was a simple hike to a beautiful view, so my husband wore jeans and we ate a big lunch right before we left.  We had been misinformed regarding the length and difficulty, but despite our lack of preparation, we were determined to reach the summit.

As we worked our way to the top, we began to have conversations with other people on the journey.  Since it was our first time, I wanted to know how much farther I had to go, so I asked the people coming down what I should expect.  We shared tips and empathized with one another on the difficulty.  Veterans of the extreme hike said, “good job,” as they trotted past us. When we encountered people who were struggling, we encouraged them to keep going and not give up. After all, it was a victory for all of us when one succeeded.  It was a good indication that we might make it as well.

When you share a common struggle or goal with others, there’s an immediate bond.  Relationships with people in a similar circumstance help us know we are not alone in our challenges and hurts.

It’s the same with foster and adoptive families.  So many of us feel like no one understands what we are going through.  But, as I said, there are SO MANY of us.  Look around.  Seek relationships with people who are ahead of you, beside you and behind you in this special calling.  You will find mentors, friends and those you can encourage to stay the course until they reach the summit.

Lessons from the Incline

Written by Kristin Orphan,

FHF Founder and Director

kristin@finallyhomefoundation.net

Part 1 – An Extreme Hike

Last week, my husband and I took a rare chance to get away overnight.  We went to beautiful Colorado Springs.  Some friends who grew up there, made restaurant and entertainment suggestions at our request.  One of their recommendations included an “extreme hike” known by locals as simply, “The Incline.”  Here are some fun facts from Wikipedia:

The Manitou Springs Incline, also known as the Manitou Incline or simply the Incline, is a popular hiking trail rising above Manitou Springs, CO Colorado Springs. The trail is the remains of a former 3 ft narrow gauge funicular railway whose tracks washed out during a rockslide in 1990. The Incline is famous for its sweeping views and steep grade, as steep as 68% in places, making it a fitness challenge for locals in the Colorado Springs area. The incline gains over 2,000 feet (610 m) of elevation in less than one mile.

That last statement about gaining over 2,000 feet of elevation in a ridiculously short amount of time reminded us of our adoption journey.  I’m typing this with a smile, knowing that there are foster and adoptive parents out there who know exactly how the intensity of life can ramp up quickly and unexpectedly.

When we reached the entrance of the Incline, there was a sign that said, “This is an extreme hike.”  Having completed the trek, I would have to agree with that statement.  On the way up, we encountered people of all ages and fitness levels. But, no one was taking this lightly.  It was a strenuous effort for every person.

The hike looked nearly impossible when we allowed ourselves to focus on how far we had to go to reach the summit.  However, when we chose a realistic goal, like the next evergreen tree or the black pipe sticking out, we found that we could keep going.  It felt good to accomplish the smaller goals on our way to the biggie.  As we wore down, we realized that if we stopped for 45-60 seconds to let our heart rate slow and take a sip of water, we would miraculously have the energy to reach our next landmark goal.

In the same way, I have learned that while parenting children who have been through trauma, it is very important to take a lot of breaks and to celebrate the small victories on your way to the summit.  It’s breathtaking to look back and celebrate the sum of all those small victories that add up to one amazing view!

All 100% of Us

Written by Brooke Miller
FHF Regional Director in Southern California
brooke@finallyhomefoundation.net

Numbers don’t usually move people. But there’s one very specific number that moved me out of my seat.

It was the number seven.

If 7% of the world’s proclaimed Christians were to take responsibility for an orphaned child (perhaps through adoption, perhaps through foster care, perhaps through an initiative to care for them in their community), then orphans would be no more.

Can you imagine? Just think with me for a moment. I mean, is there any other crisis on the planet that is so solvable? So doable? With 7% of our resources?

Close your eyes. Well, read this sentence, then close your eyes. And imagine a world without orphans. Seriously.

What does it look like?

I can tell you some things that are sure to be true of that new world:

-       The AIDS epidemic would be drastically reduced

-       There would be less teen pregnancies and less abortions

-       The homeless population would be reduced

-       Our prisons would be less full

Orphaned children are arguably the most vulnerable population on this planet, and if they were cared for from the beginning, this world would be a different place.

If there was a story to be told of this generation, what if it were this - What if this was the headline that spoke of this generation:

In the 21^st century, the world stood up and took notice of the Church. Because the Church stood up and cared for the world’s orphans. In 2014, there were over 153 million orphans in the world; by 2044, there were less than 5000.

This is a story that I’m convinced God is writing. He has a story of redemption that is unfolding. The numbers are staggering and real, but so is the Father-God revealed in the Bible. And He is chasing down His children and inviting them into His story of redemption.

All of us. Not just 7% of us.

Which means this: 93% of Christians may never directly care for an orphan, but they can care for someone who does.

What does that mean for you?

Maybe it means being a foster parent. Or maybe it means mowing a lawn for a foster family.

Maybe it means adopting a child. Or maybe it means tutoring an adopted child in who needs help catching up in school.

Maybe it means mentoring a teenager. Or maybe it means babysitting someone else’s toddler so they can mentor a teen.

Maybe it means working in social services. Or maybe it means volunteering to drive a friend’s foster child to her bio parent visits.

However it plays out, we are all invited into this great story of redemption. All 100% of us.

I’m excited to step into a new role with Finally Home Foundation during a new phase of this ministry’s story. For years, FHF has been modeling how to care for foster and adoptive families, and now it’s your turn. We want to help you discover YOUR place in this great story. To look and pray and create and dream and ask what is my piece?

If you’re called to be a foster or adoptive parent, we want to connect you with other families partnering on that journey, and resource you along the way. If you’re called to serve foster or adoptive families, we want to educate you on the best models for providing tangible benefit to foster and adoptive families. Our mission is to equip communities to rally around the heroes who are foster and adoptive families. That’s not one-size-fits-all, but there are some proven models and tools that can really make a difference. In the life of a child, a family, and a volunteer.

Just think – if 7% of the world’s proclaimed Christians could eliminate the world’s orphan crisis, imagine what 100% can accomplish as we work together?

Want to talk further? Email me at brooke@finallyhomefoundation.net. If you’re in Southern California, I’d love to grab coffee and talk about your place in this great story.

Can't We Skip This Holiday?

Written by Kristin Orphan,

FHF Founder and Director

kristin@finallyhomefoundation.net

During our early years of marriage, I could never understand why my husband and I always seemed to get into a fight on Christmas.  Looking back, I realize a couple things.  First of all, I had totally unrealistic expectations.  Let’s just say I had watched too many Hallmark movies!  Second of all, my husband’s dad chose to abandon his family during the Christmas season when he was only 16 years old.  It took some much needed growing up on my part to fully grasp the significance of that and to express the appropriate compassion. 

We have been married now almost twenty-two years and we get a kick out of some of our early flubs and missteps.  The holiday thing was great preparation, though, because holidays are potential traps for foster and adoptive families.  Don’t get me wrong, I love all of them….the significance, the decorations, the celebrations and let’s not forget the meals and treats.

For foster or adopted kids, holidays often hold painful memories or reminders of what they have lost.  Celebrations can be overwhelming for anxious children and too much stimulation can send a child “over the edge.”  Well meaning parents get frustrated when a child seems ungrateful or acts out on such a special day.  The toxic combo of all of this (and more) can make a family just want to skip it.

Last weekend was Mother’s Day, perhaps one of the biggies when it comes to challenging a family like ours.  As our kids try to celebrate us, they undoubtedly are thinking of another one they know as “mom.”  A fellow adoptive mom and I committed to praying for one another’s families throughout the day on Sunday.  The simple shift from a place of expectation to a perspective of compassion, made all the difference in my attitude.  Our day wasn’t perfect, but there were some perfect moments of love and affection that I will treasure in my heart, because I know what it has cost them.

So, let’s commit not to skip any holidays.  There’s way too many hidden treasures to discover in the messy journey of creating family memories.

Recognizing the Thief

Written by Brooke Miller
FHF Regional Director in Southern California
brooke@finallyhomefoundation.net

When I was a teenager, I went to visit my Dad on his construction-site, which was also our soon-to-be-home, so I knew it well. “Dad, Daaaad”, I called out. But to my surprise was met with silence. The door was open and unlocked, but Dad wasn’t answering back.

Perplexed, I walked back to our temporary home down the street. I found out later that the construction-site had been robbed during lunch-time. I had been there during lunch-time. The open door. No answer. I started to put the pieces together.

My Dad hugged me just a bit tighter, as he realized that I was probably in the home at the same time as the thieves. Or just after. Chills ran down my spine at the thought.

Thankfully, that’s the closest I’ve ever come to a home robbery. At least to my knowledge. I was too young to be involved in inventorying any of the stolen equipment, and there really wasn’t anything I could tell the police that was of any help. There really weren’t any clues to who the thief was.

But I’ll tell you one thing that didn’t happen. No one wondered whether there was a thief. No one scratched their heads and wondered “what happened to all of our tools?” It was clear that someone had taken them, since construction equipment isn’t prone to mere disappearance.

No one wondered IF there had been a thief, just wondered WHO the thief was.

Can you imagine if you called the cops to your house and said “Gosh, I just don’t know how all this stuff disappeared”? That would sound crazy. They’d be looking for a thief.

But sometimes I think we do this in our internal world. On days where we feel tired or alone or hurt or angry or “robbed of joy”, we often ignore that there’s a thief. We forget that we were told that there is an enemy who comes to “steal kill and destroy”, and to rob us from having an abundant life.

There may be days where it feels like the thief got away with something – you may even now be facing a moment where it feels like joy has been stolen. In those moments, remember that joy and love and faith and hope don’t “just disappear”, much in the same way that hammers and skilsaws don’t. But they can be stolen, and in those moments its important to identify the thief and call in re-enforcements to pray over your robbed heart. Call a friend or your spouse or another adoptive parent who can join you in praying for protection from the thief, and for restoration of anything he tries to take.

Is That Normal?

Written by Kristin Orphan,

FHF Founder and Director
kristin@finallyhomefoundation.net

The other day my husband got in my car and as we started to drive, he shushed me and said, “Do you hear that?”  I had no idea what he was talking about.  He said he thought he heard an odd swishing sound coming from the back when we turned a corner.  “Is that normal?” he asked.  I shrugged, because I hadn’t really noticed before he pointed it out.  We agreed to take the car in for an evaluation.

As adoptive parents, we ask the same question of our family.  “Is that normal for a ten year old girl?” “Is that normal for an older adopted child?” “Is that normal for someone in a mixed race family?” You may wonder if some of your own thoughts or feelings are normal.  Maybe like me, you’ve been in an embarrassing public situation with one of your children that highlighted the fact that your life is anything but normal!

I love my unique family.  We are all different colors, shapes and sizes.  We communicate and process pain differently.  While we share some interests, we also have hobbies and gifts that are specific to each of us.   Some of the situations through which we’ve walked as a family, border on the bizarre.  Thankfully, we can actually laugh about most of them now. The truth is, I let go of “normal” a while ago.

While “normal” may be overrated, some behaviors and emotional responses must be addressed so that we all get the support we need to be healthy.

Maybe these questions are a little more helpful than, “Is this normal?” “Is this behavior helpful, harmful or neutral?”  “Do I feel stuck?”  “Is it time to ask for help?”

One last thing…..if you feel like you’re the only one whose family isn’t normal, it’s time to expand your social circle!  Make friends with folks who understand the beauty of differences. 

What's Your Piece?

Written by Brooke Miller,  
FHF Regional Director in Southern California 
brooke@finallyhomefoundation.net

I grew up with puzzles at my Grandma’s house. There was always a puzzle spread on the card table in the formal living room, moved safely out of way from us rambunctious grandchildren who might hide - or swallow - a piece.

I don’t remember ever seeing one of Grandma’s puzzles completed. But I remember there was always one in progress, with a thousand puzzle pieces scattered on the card table.

Now and then I would sneak a peek in the formal living room – a privilege I claimed by virtue of being the oldest grandchild and being well out of swallow-danger when it came to puzzle pieces. All the pieces looked the same to me, with only slight distinctions in shades and colors and the tiniest hints of where it might belong. Grandma had a penchant for truly tricky puzzles – like ones from great watercolor artists.

I would look at the puzzle box-top and the pieces, with my young mind swirling with how on earth they could all fit together to make that picture. I learned at an early age that even with the puzzle box-top this would be daunting. But without it: nigh impossible.

Four years ago, I felt like I was staring at another daunting puzzle. I’d heard that there are over 150 million children in this world that can be considered “orphans”. Half a million of them are in the United States. And 3,000 of them are in Orange County, California – my home county.

A 150 million puzzle pieces.

But then I started hearing about God’s puzzle box-top. He is the God who sets the lonely in families – or in other words, He is the God who has a place for every single piece of the puzzle.

He who holds the puzzle box-top has 2.2 billion people to jump in. At latest count, 2.2 billion people proclaim Christ as Lord and Savior.  This means that if just 7% of the world’s proclaimed Christians were to take responsibility for an orphan, for a puzzle piece, then orphans would be no more.

Yes, the puzzle is daunting, but it’s also the most solvable crisis that this planet faces, because we have the puzzle box top, and we know the One who knows where all the pieces go.

Some of the pieces look the same, some quite different.

Last month, Finally Home Foundation got to host a gathering of over a dozen leaders within Orange County who are working together to see the puzzle box-top come together. To see Orphan Care become a vibrant reflection of God’s heart right here in Orange County. To see that number of “3,000 orphans” in Orange County drop. We discussed each of our different puzzle pieces, how they fit together, and how much joy and freedom can be found when we remember that we are not alone, but each a part of God’s very intricate, beautiful puzzle.

Will you ask just this one question today: What’s your piece?