Thursday, May 14, 2015

Happy Mother's Day by Ana Morante, LMFT


To the amazing, beautiful, courageous women in my life

Today, Mother’s Day takes on a new, deeper meaning for me. I’ve been given a gift that I need to share with you and then, the world.

Being a mother is a privilege, a gift, and possibly the most intense and deepest experience that we can have as a human being. Nothing can give you more joy and more pain than the connection we have we our children. Although each of us has our own unique way of experiencing that connection, we cannot deny that it transforms our lives in incredible ways.
Understanding the power that I have over my children, makes me feel humble, responsible and excited about the opportunity to shape a human life. When I remember my daughters as fragile little babies, tears come to my eyes and a profound sense of gratitude for entrusting in me their safety and wellbeing. Human life is so delicate and so resilient at the same time, and we as mothers have the opportunity to be the first and most powerful influence to shape, mold, care, and protect that life.

I would dare to say that none of us can look back at our own relationship with our mothers and feel indifferent. For most of us an array of feelings comes to the surface. We can enjoy and feel strengthened by the positive feelings; however, what do we do with the undeniable uncomfortable ones? How have they shaped us? How have they influenced the mother that we are today?

The first thing that comes to my mind when reflecting on this is “COMPASSION” and “FORGIVENESS”. I am a firm believer that all of us, especially when we are mothering, do the best we can with what we have. Working with young children has allowed me to understand the deep meaning of this. Whenever I worked with a child in pain, I learned directly or indirectly about the child’s mother’s story. As far as I can remember, the mother’s story was often as sad or worst than the child’s current pain. This helped me see that the name of the game should never be blame but compassion, and in my case, a profound desire and an undeniable call to work to help today’s mothers do better for their children and future generations. Unless we do something today to revert the trend, pain and struggle will continue to be passed on from generation to generation.
No matter what we do in life, being a mother is the hardest thing we will ever have to do. No matter how old our children are, our role as a mother never ends (but be careful because it needs to change.)

Stress, fear, guilt, ridiculous high expectations, lack of self-care, lack of knowledge or certainty on what to do in each moment with each child, and our own personal challenges and limitations are constant companions in our journey. They deplete us from our ability to connect with the most loving, wisest part of us. We do not need to be perfect. We do not need to be right all the time. All we need to do is connect with love at all times. We need to remember that we are not alone. We need to remind ourselves that our children are not just ours. They are God’s children, and God always knows best. In our times of stress, confusion, sadness, disappointment, fear let’s turn to the giver of life for guidance, support and healing. In our times of joy and happiness, let’s celebrate with the giver of life and be thankful for the ability to experience the depths of love.
To me, there is beauty, power and sacredness in my role as a mother. It is the closest way to connect me and to experience God’s presence in my life.

My sisters in the motherhood journey, I want to thank you for your courage, your strength and your  “YES” to the most important call in life: to shape and mold a sacred human being. Let’s leave guilt and regret behind. Let’s embrace COMPASSION, FORGIVENESS, TRUST, JOY and LOVE every step of the way.

And I want to ask for your prayers, support and best intentions in my call to work to strengthen the motherhood experience today.



Tuesday, April 14, 2015

Can We Fix It? Yes, We Can!

Written by Kristin Orphan
FHF Founder and Director
kristin@finallyhomefoundation.net 


We bought a new dishwasher about 6 months ago.  Recently, we discovered that the door that releases the soap was not opening on a consistent basis.  So, we figured out a way to “trick it” sometimes, but often we have to run the load a second time. Why do we keep doing the same thing and expecting different results?  Why are we changing our behavior to compensate for the dishwasher’s malfunction?  Why?  Because, we are survivors.  We work hard to get things done and we are creative in our problem solving.  But, these strengths turn into weaknesses when we neglect to take the time to address the real problem and use up all of our energy with quick fixes that fall short.  We begin to over function in our roles to make up for gaps in the system.  As a parent, whether we’ve come to a new season in our child’s development or we are facing a very difficult challenge, we must learn to do our part well and teach our children to do their part.  Do we stick to the rules and consequences we have communicated or do we get really frustrated and work over time to try to make our child successful at our own expense?  Do our children know that the boundaries we set are loving and firm or have they learned that with enough whining or procrastinating, we will cave and save them in the end? This is difficult for all of us, because we do not want our children to fail.  And sometimes, our children do require extra support and our over working is masking a problem that requires outside help or professional intervention.   Parenting is hard work and it’s easy to take that to an unhealthy and unhelpful level.  We all come to times where we realize that our systems need some adjustment.  If it’s broken, let’s fix it!  (By the way, it turns out it was the dishwasher soap we were using.  Go figure).