Orphan Care- A New Language

Written by Brooke Miller

FHF Regional Director in Southern California
brooke@finallyhomefoundation.net

Speaking the language of loving the Fatherless feels like the most difficult and most natural language to learn. Here’s what I mean: “speaking orphan care” can require the most out of you and be brutally difficult. But also, every person I meet who “speaks orphan care” also speaks of learning about their deepest, truest selves, their most real selves, and the God who loves them.

I think it’s because God Himself speaks orphan care as His first language. So what starts as a ‘foreign language’ to us quickly becomes more and more natural as we draw closer to the Father-Heart of God. He’s the only one who is truly fluent.

I think God is teaching His children this language. It’s sweeping nation after nation. It’s an ancient message filling ancient texts, speaking an ancient truth, and yet revealing itself in new ways here and now.

See, in the deepest mysteries of Scripture is the fact that we are all adoptees. Orphans called into the family of God. God is the first adoptive Father, with only one firstborn Son (Jesus), with whom we are called ‘equal heirs’. The parallels are breathtaking – beginning with the fact that an Adoptive Father’s quest starts long before the adopted child is aware of Him.

All our words and works within Orphan Care are merely echoes of He who spoke it first.

And so as we practice, as we speak, as we learn the nuances of this new language and find refreshment among those who speak it too, it’s like finding a part of your heritage.

Picture Perfect

Written by Kristin Orphan,

FHF Founder and Director

kristin@finallyhomefoundation.net

I’m sitting at my computer staring at the screen saver.  It is a picture of my family.  We are all smiling, wearing matching clothes and the scenery is beautiful.  My kind of day!  Today’s reality is quite a bit different. Two of the smiling children from the picture are downstairs yelling at each other.   Ironically, in between poses, there was quite a bit of bickering on picture day, too.  That’s life, I suppose. I have a whole row of family pictures throughout the years.  My favorite is the first one we took when our daughters joined our family through adoption.  I love to look at all the pictures and see how much everyone has changed and how far we’ve come as a family.  The pictures are like markers on a timeline. There’s so much of the story that happens in between.  Some memories are painful and there’s a lot of hard work involved getting to the next marker.  But, it doesn’t keep me from treasuring those moments when everyone laughs at a shared family joke.  Or, like last week, when my three teenagers got up early on their first day of summer to attend their little sister’s fifth grade graduation.  It was an hour and a half ceremony!  And yet, they perked up from their teenage stupor when their sister’s name was called and clapped loudly.  Yes, we have our moments and as my grandma used to say, “we sure do clean up well.”

Summer Time

Written by Kristin Orphan,

FHF Founder and Director

kristin@finallyhomefoundation.net

Ahh, it’s summer time.  For many of us, it’s a break from early mornings and homework fights. It’s a time to savor the warm weather and more family together time.  I really enjoy summer and yet, there are some challenges as well. My kids are all very different.  Some love to stay busy, others would rather sit on the couch and watch T.V.

While we spend much of our time chasing down the social schedule of one, we have to emphasize the importance of making plans with friends with another, so she doesn’t spend all her time alone.

My challenge is to find a balance between giving them a much needed break after working hard throughout the school year AND supporting them to build healthy habits.

Our family values (or what we define as healthy habits) include plenty of physical exercise, time with good friends, working to help the household and time out of town for serving and fun.   Each child requires different kinds of communication and accountability to reach those goals.

I pray for discernment and creativity as I carefully navigate this challenge with each one of my kids.  I try to find ways to build on their strengths and encourage their natural talents.  One loves sports, another is very gifted working with animals.  When I get stuck, I ask for advice from trusted friends.  You never know, someone very close to you just may have the answer you need to make the most of this celebrated season.

Sometimes I Forget To Eat

Written by Brooke Miller
FHF Regional Director in Southern California
brooke@finallyhomefoundation.net

Sometimes I forget to eat.  It’s not that I don’t like to eat.  I love food.  I mean, really, love it.  But the day starts, then keeps going. A phone call here, an email there, and a bunch of just-need-to-get-this-one-thing-done moments. You know, like checking my Facebook status and making sure I haven’t missed anything new on Instagram.  Important Things.

I don’t just love food itself.  I love the experience of food.  I am not a fancy cook and my taste buds aren’t overly cultured, but my favorite food is one I get to enjoy. I hate eating on the go. No time to savor. I have a pre-planned “last bite” with every meal: the bite to end all bites. The grand finale. The taste that the rest of the meal has been working up towards. Even if the meal is a bean and cheese burrito, I strategize to make sure that the last bite has just the right blend of bean, cheese, and tortilla. I’m not making this up.

So sometimes I forget to eat. Or better said, I keep pushing it back because the setting isn’t ideal. Because I don’t have room to savor. There are days that I end up not eating at all until dinner. And everyone knows what a hungry woman is like. I get cranky, and fidgety, and annoyed. I have no margin. Forget savoring, the carnivore must be fed.

My husband gets after me about this, mainly because he is the one the monster lashes out at in moments of extreme hunger he loves me and wants me to be my healthiest best. He believes in preventive plans of attack: He tells co-workers to make sure I take a lunch break, and will regularly text to see if I remembered breakfast. Also not something I’m making up. I’ve gotten better. Truly.

Funny that someone can love food so much but still forget to eat it.

But then, sometimes I forget to feed my soul, too. I love Jesus. I love His Word. I love His creation. But I often wait for ideal moments to sit down and savor, and if that ideal setting isn’t available, sometimes I don’t “eat.” I forget how much it matters to be still. I forget how much it matters to read Ancient Scripture and be surprised at just how alive it is. I forget how much it matters to write and process in my journal. I forget how much it matters to get outside for fresh air and fun.

When I forget, I get cranky and lethargic and altogether restless. It’s my soul’s way of saying “I’m hungry, feed me.”

Do you ever forget to eat? To take care of your physical and spiritual needs because someone else’s needs beat you to it?

At CAFO2014 (www.cafo.org), Dr. Karyn Purvis of TCU (www.tcu.edu) taught a session on nutrition and what a significant impact it has on children from, as she says, “hard places”. Many of you are caring for a child from a hard place right this moment. And for many of you, it’s pushing you right into your own hard place. And you need healthy food just as much as they do.

Our physical and spiritual nutrition have such a drastic impact on us because we are wired for food – good, healthy, soul-enriching food. And I mean both the physical apple and the spiritual apple.

So today is a simple question: what does your body need to eat? And what food does your soul need?

*For more resources on nutrition related to adoption or foster care, please visit adoptionnutrition.org, adoptionlearningpartners.org “Snack, Play, Love”, and empoweredtoconnect.org “Disarming Fear”

Lessons from the Incline

Written by Kristin Orphan,

FHF Founder and Director

kristin@finallyhomefoundation.net

Part 2 – Camaraderie

Last week, I told you that my husband and I went to beautiful Colorado Springs to hike The Manitou Springs Incline.

It took us just over an hour to get to the top and then another hour to wind our way back down the mountain.  We had no idea what we were getting into until we started heading up the trail.  We thought it was a simple hike to a beautiful view, so my husband wore jeans and we ate a big lunch right before we left.  We had been misinformed regarding the length and difficulty, but despite our lack of preparation, we were determined to reach the summit.

As we worked our way to the top, we began to have conversations with other people on the journey.  Since it was our first time, I wanted to know how much farther I had to go, so I asked the people coming down what I should expect.  We shared tips and empathized with one another on the difficulty.  Veterans of the extreme hike said, “good job,” as they trotted past us. When we encountered people who were struggling, we encouraged them to keep going and not give up. After all, it was a victory for all of us when one succeeded.  It was a good indication that we might make it as well.

When you share a common struggle or goal with others, there’s an immediate bond.  Relationships with people in a similar circumstance help us know we are not alone in our challenges and hurts.

It’s the same with foster and adoptive families.  So many of us feel like no one understands what we are going through.  But, as I said, there are SO MANY of us.  Look around.  Seek relationships with people who are ahead of you, beside you and behind you in this special calling.  You will find mentors, friends and those you can encourage to stay the course until they reach the summit.

Lessons from the Incline

Written by Kristin Orphan,

FHF Founder and Director

kristin@finallyhomefoundation.net

Part 1 – An Extreme Hike

Last week, my husband and I took a rare chance to get away overnight.  We went to beautiful Colorado Springs.  Some friends who grew up there, made restaurant and entertainment suggestions at our request.  One of their recommendations included an “extreme hike” known by locals as simply, “The Incline.”  Here are some fun facts from Wikipedia:

The Manitou Springs Incline, also known as the Manitou Incline or simply the Incline, is a popular hiking trail rising above Manitou Springs, CO Colorado Springs. The trail is the remains of a former 3 ft narrow gauge funicular railway whose tracks washed out during a rockslide in 1990. The Incline is famous for its sweeping views and steep grade, as steep as 68% in places, making it a fitness challenge for locals in the Colorado Springs area. The incline gains over 2,000 feet (610 m) of elevation in less than one mile.

That last statement about gaining over 2,000 feet of elevation in a ridiculously short amount of time reminded us of our adoption journey.  I’m typing this with a smile, knowing that there are foster and adoptive parents out there who know exactly how the intensity of life can ramp up quickly and unexpectedly.

When we reached the entrance of the Incline, there was a sign that said, “This is an extreme hike.”  Having completed the trek, I would have to agree with that statement.  On the way up, we encountered people of all ages and fitness levels. But, no one was taking this lightly.  It was a strenuous effort for every person.

The hike looked nearly impossible when we allowed ourselves to focus on how far we had to go to reach the summit.  However, when we chose a realistic goal, like the next evergreen tree or the black pipe sticking out, we found that we could keep going.  It felt good to accomplish the smaller goals on our way to the biggie.  As we wore down, we realized that if we stopped for 45-60 seconds to let our heart rate slow and take a sip of water, we would miraculously have the energy to reach our next landmark goal.

In the same way, I have learned that while parenting children who have been through trauma, it is very important to take a lot of breaks and to celebrate the small victories on your way to the summit.  It’s breathtaking to look back and celebrate the sum of all those small victories that add up to one amazing view!

All 100% of Us

Written by Brooke Miller
FHF Regional Director in Southern California
brooke@finallyhomefoundation.net

Numbers don’t usually move people. But there’s one very specific number that moved me out of my seat.

It was the number seven.

If 7% of the world’s proclaimed Christians were to take responsibility for an orphaned child (perhaps through adoption, perhaps through foster care, perhaps through an initiative to care for them in their community), then orphans would be no more.

Can you imagine? Just think with me for a moment. I mean, is there any other crisis on the planet that is so solvable? So doable? With 7% of our resources?

Close your eyes. Well, read this sentence, then close your eyes. And imagine a world without orphans. Seriously.

What does it look like?

I can tell you some things that are sure to be true of that new world:

-       The AIDS epidemic would be drastically reduced

-       There would be less teen pregnancies and less abortions

-       The homeless population would be reduced

-       Our prisons would be less full

Orphaned children are arguably the most vulnerable population on this planet, and if they were cared for from the beginning, this world would be a different place.

If there was a story to be told of this generation, what if it were this - What if this was the headline that spoke of this generation:

In the 21^st century, the world stood up and took notice of the Church. Because the Church stood up and cared for the world’s orphans. In 2014, there were over 153 million orphans in the world; by 2044, there were less than 5000.

This is a story that I’m convinced God is writing. He has a story of redemption that is unfolding. The numbers are staggering and real, but so is the Father-God revealed in the Bible. And He is chasing down His children and inviting them into His story of redemption.

All of us. Not just 7% of us.

Which means this: 93% of Christians may never directly care for an orphan, but they can care for someone who does.

What does that mean for you?

Maybe it means being a foster parent. Or maybe it means mowing a lawn for a foster family.

Maybe it means adopting a child. Or maybe it means tutoring an adopted child in who needs help catching up in school.

Maybe it means mentoring a teenager. Or maybe it means babysitting someone else’s toddler so they can mentor a teen.

Maybe it means working in social services. Or maybe it means volunteering to drive a friend’s foster child to her bio parent visits.

However it plays out, we are all invited into this great story of redemption. All 100% of us.

I’m excited to step into a new role with Finally Home Foundation during a new phase of this ministry’s story. For years, FHF has been modeling how to care for foster and adoptive families, and now it’s your turn. We want to help you discover YOUR place in this great story. To look and pray and create and dream and ask what is my piece?

If you’re called to be a foster or adoptive parent, we want to connect you with other families partnering on that journey, and resource you along the way. If you’re called to serve foster or adoptive families, we want to educate you on the best models for providing tangible benefit to foster and adoptive families. Our mission is to equip communities to rally around the heroes who are foster and adoptive families. That’s not one-size-fits-all, but there are some proven models and tools that can really make a difference. In the life of a child, a family, and a volunteer.

Just think – if 7% of the world’s proclaimed Christians could eliminate the world’s orphan crisis, imagine what 100% can accomplish as we work together?

Want to talk further? Email me at brooke@finallyhomefoundation.net. If you’re in Southern California, I’d love to grab coffee and talk about your place in this great story.